


Secrets Kill | Destiel AU

by randommythicalbeast (ohstars)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - High School, Depression, Eventual Relationships, F/M, M/M, Minor Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 06:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6791890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohstars/pseuds/randommythicalbeast
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is going through a difficult time. His family is breaking apart, his grades are slipping, and everything seems pointless. He doesn't know what to do, especially when he finds out something life changing. His best friend Charlie doesn't think anything of it, until Cas starts to resent his idol, Dean Winchester, for having a perfect life. But not everything's what it seems and Cas will soon learn that secrets kill.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Secrets Kill - Chapter 1

Castiel sat on his plush, blue bed, knees held close to his chest and his head leaning on them. The sounds of bickering adults filled the room through the open door.

"Why don't you just go back to work? I'm done with you!" his mother screamed.

"I just might just to get away from you!" he heard his father boom before the door slammed shut. Tears welled in his ocean blue eyes, threatening to drip down his ample cheeks like the dew left on a small flower petal. Footsteps made their way up the wooden stairs and down the hallway until they stopped just at his door.

"Castiel, are you okay?" asked his mother. He didn't move, just sniffled in response. A few more footsteps and the bed dipped beside him. Castiel lifted his head, causing a couple tears to fall.

His mother's face fell with guilt before she straightened up and pulled her son close. The brunette kissed his messy hair, rocking slightly without even realizing. How could she of have let him hear that? How could she be so stupid?

"I'm sorry," she whispered. She felt Castiel shake his head before he pulled away.

"Don't be sorry, Mom. I know you didn't intend on us hearing." He gave a small smile.

Cecilia, his mother, nodded tightly. "You're right. It got out of hand-"

"Do we have a happy ending?" Castiel asked suddenly, his pale lips pursed in a pout as he asked the heavy question.

His mother's brown eyes widened, her heart breaking at the familiar question. All those times she got to say yes seemed so far away the one time she should say no. She gave a small smile, before answering, "Castiel Novak Porter, you will always have a happy ending."

Castiel knew she was only trying to comfort him, but her words have him hope. Hope that everything would be okay. The teen leaned forward to hug the woman tightly. "Thanks, Mommy," he whispered knowingly.

Cecilia held him just as tight, kissing his head as she did. "No thank you, my little angel."

 

"C'mon Cassie, school starts in an hour," Gabriel exasperated as he jumped on Castiel's bed. Castiel groaned, lifting his body onto his elbows to glare at the middle schooler. "Mom said to get up. We have to leave in ten minutes." 

Castiel ignored the instructions, asking his own question. "Is Dad home?" 

"No? I think he went to work early." Castiel sighed, plopping back into the pillows. "No, don't you do this now." Gabe yanked the covers off his older brother, glaring at him with a smirk. "Get up before I get the ice." 

Castiel watched him walk out the room before lazily getting up. He pulled on a pair of skinny jeans and a random blue t-shirt, ruffling his hair to look a little decent. Castiel finished getting ready and walked downstairs to see his mother and brothers standing by the door. "Finally!" Lucifer, Castiel's older brother, shouted. 

"Can we leave now? Luci and I have to get to class," Michael asked. 

"Yes, you can go. One of you lend Castiel money to get something for breakfast," their mother ordered before she went around kissing each of their heads. She herded them out to the car, the four of them climbing into the small Honda. 

"If you made us late," Lucifer started as he pulled out the driveway, "you won't like the outcome." He glared at Cas through the mirror. 

Castiel stayed silent. "Hey, Mikey, if I pass my test can you drive me to the candy store? You promised!" Gabe whined beside him, leaning between the front seats to stare at their dark haired brother. 

With his headphones in, he stared out the window at the happy world around him. Why couldn't he be as happy as everyone else? Why did he have to suffer?

 

 

"Cas, are you okay?" Charlie asked as they walked to the library. He shook his head, hands stuck in his pocket. "Cas, answer me." 

"They were at it again," he whispered. 

"Oh. . ." Charlie's head fell, watching their feet as they stepped in tune down the hallway. 

"Yeah. It's getting worse and I don't know what to do." Castiel looked up to see Charlie's warm, sympathetic smile. 

"All you can do is be you and hope they'll stay together." Charlie wrapped an arm around Castiel, pulling him tight. A small smile found it's way onto his face as he wrapped his arm around Charlie's waist. "And I know just how to make you feel better."

"How?"

"Him." Charlie pointed her finger towards the library entrance where a couple was walking in. They weren't just any couple, they were Dean Winchester and Lisa Braeden, the school's IT couple. The two were absolutely perfect. You never heard of them fighting, they never ignored each other, and their relationship was always perfect. Partly because he was in it. 

Castiel's smile grew, his eyes went wide, and his bad mood vanished instantly. Dean was the perfect person. There was no one else in this entire world who was perfect other than the eldest Winchester. He has it all. He's been the quarterback on the varsity football team since the end of his freshman year, he's been with Lisa - the head cheerleader and class president - since middle school, he's the top of their class, and already has a full ride to several colleges. He's got the looks, the money, the power, the girl, the brains, the strength, the talent, the everything. . . He's simply perfect. 

He's everything Castiel wants to be and more. 

"God he's great," Castiel mumbled as they walked in behind them. "I'd give anything to have his life." 

Charlie laughed loudly. The librarian raised an eyebrow at her, making the redhead blush scarlet and hide her face. "To the fantasy books," she whispered before dragging Cas into the stacks of books. Castiel glanced around the room, spotting Dean and Lisa whispering as they looked through the shelves. 

"They are so perfect. . ." Charlie rolled her eyes at her starstruck friend, nudging his shoulder as she sifted through the new shipment of fantasy books. 

"Yeah, they're popular and hot. Of course, they're perfect." 

"I wish I had what he had." Castiel sighed dreamily, leaning against the shelf. 

"You're drooling."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too. Now come look at this book and tell me if you think it's good. I can't decide if it's worth my tears." 

 

 

Michael pulled up to the school, Lucifer sitting proudly in the passenger seat with a burger in his hands. "Let's go dweebs!" Luci yelled out the window. 

Gabriel and Castiel rolled their eyes before jogging to the black Honda. "How was school?" Mike asked, looking at them through the mirror. 

"It was great! I think I passed my test, but I won't find out until she puts the grades in tomorrow. But go ahead and put gas money aside!" Gabe told him, leaning forward again. 

Lucifer rolled his eyes, pushing the brunette boy back. "Get your nasty-ass breath out of my face. You need to brush better, pipsqueak." 

"Lucifer," Michael warned. The twins held each other's gaze, having a silent conversation as Cas slumped back against the window. Lucifer gave up first, going back to stuffing his face with his burger. "What about you, Cassie?"

The aforementioned shrugged, mumbling, "It was school." Michael glanced back at him, eyebrows scrunched with concern before he continued to drive them home. 

"Castiel, are you okay?" 

Cas nodded, a small smile on his face. "Just tired," He told his older brother. When Michael nodded and focused on the road again, Cas' shoulders fell. 

He was tired of being tired. He was tired of being.


	2. Chapter 2

Secrets Kill - Chapter Two

"Boys, come down!" Castiel sighed and rolled out of his bed. He knew what was about to happen, what his mother wanted them for. It was the weekly check-up they had every Wednesday, where they'd discuss their social lives, grades, and upcoming events.

He trudged downstairs, taking the last empty seat at the table. "Who wants to start?" Castiel's father asked once he was settled into his seat. He glanced around the room, eyeing each boy individually. Cecilia opened her laptop, typing furiously. "Looks like it's parents' pick this week," he stated. "Who goes first, Cee?"

"I think. . . Gabriel. Start talking while I log into your PowerSchool." Their mother gave a sickly sweet smile, winking at the other's playfully.

Gabriel grinned. "I'm really trying to bring my grades up and I haven't gotten in trouble so far this week."

"Is this because Mikey's taking you to the candy store this weekend or because you finally got it into your head how to behave the right way in school?" His father asked, leaning forward to stare his youngest son down.

Gabriel blushed a little as his smile widened. "I'm not going to answer that."

Marcus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "What am I going to do with you, son?" He reached over and ruffled Gabe's hair. The youngest son laughed, pride seeping through his oily pores.

"Marcus, dear, he has brought up his history grade. It's up two points from last week. Everything else is solid," Cecilia reported, an ear-splitting grin on her own face.

"Nicely done!" Their father boomed. "How much money do you have for the candy store? I'll double it." Gabe cheered, dancing in his seat. "Have anything else to say?" The younger boy shook his head, still dancing. "Alright then. Who wants to go next?"

Michael raised his hand, sitting up straighter. "I got a B on my last paper, but I think my professor was being biased."

"Which class?"

"Religious studies," Michael stated.

"I'll let it slide. Anything else?" Their dad leaned back in his chair, arms crossed as he waited.

"I stopped talking to that girl I told you about last week. We didn't connect like I thought we would. Too many clashing opinions that we couldn't seem to make a compromise over. And I applied to be the TA for next semester for Professor Ellis, he teaches Religious mythology." Michael spoke sharply and obediently, just like he always did.

"Oh, this is a good week! So far so good!" Cecilia giggled. She patted Michael's hand, before turning to Castiel. "If your brother's done," she paused to see Michael nod, "then it's your turn."

He sighed and sat up. "I don't know where to start."

"Start with something easy.. How's Charlie?" His mother asked, her eyes shining with nothing but love and concern.

"She's good." He was short and emotionless when he spoke. It was his new usual tone. Michael was the only one who noticed.

"And your grades?" His father asked. Castiel said nothing. "Castiel. What about your grades?" Marcus' tone grew harder, his jaw clenching as he spoke.

Cecilia sighed, looking at the screen with a frown. "Castiel, your grades have been dropping for weeks now. Is everything okay?"

He didn't say a word.

"Castiel, answer your mother." Marcus' face was getting redder, the other three boys beginning to worry.

He didn't say anything.

"Castiel." His father warned. His hand formed a fist on the table.

"I'm just tired," he finally said. "Just tired."

Michael's eyes burned a hole in Cas' face, the older brother visibly worried. "You have one week," said their father, "to bring up your grades. We've given you enough time, take it. We want to see improvement, understood?" Castiel nodded. "Lucifer, go."

"I dropped that really difficult professor's class," the last brother began. His words grew dull in Cas' ears as the pain engulfed him once more.

He was just tired...

 

Castiel sat down at the empty table, followed by Charlie who was rattling on about the newest TV series cancelation. "Only six episodes! How are you supposed to know what the general public thinks of a show after only six episodes? That's not exactly fair. I thought it was good, a show that moved to a different beat. It was refreshing, that's what it was." Charlie paused to shovel mashed potatoes into her mouth.

"It's a shame," Cas mumbled. He was hardly paying attention, but lunch was Charlie's rant time. She always said no one would listen to her about this stuff other than Castiel. He knew she'd be complaining about something, and while he may not understand what she was talking about, he knew she just liked to have her opinion acknowledged by someone in person.

"Isn't it?" She shook her head, stabbing a carrot with her little plastic fork. "I mean, they never gave it a chance! And don't even get me started on the advertising." She pointed her fork at Castiel who nodded in understanding. "You okay? You seem mopey again." 

"Yeah I am. I spent all last night working on extra credit for my classes. Dad wants me to bring up the C's to B minuses. I'm really trying. . ." He let his head fall into his hands. 

Charlie patted his back, leaning her head on his shoulder. "You can come over tonight and I'll help you study." 

Castiel beamed. "You would?"

"Absolutely. But you have to put in a good word for me with your Chelsea." Charlie winked at the blue eyed boy. Cas laughed, mentally noting to talk to his chemistry partner later that day. "There's your smile! Now to make your day even better, your man crush is walking over here." 

Castiel tensed, eyes scanning the room to spot the perfect boy walking towards them. "He's not. . ." His eyes glanced from the boy with light brown hair to the empty seats in front of him. He didn't. He walked around and sat directly behind Castiel and Charlie, where his friends were sitting. "Oh." Castiel's shoulders slumped and he put his chin in his hand. 

"Sorry Cas, but maybe if we're quiet enough we can eavesdrop on their conversation? Maybe we'll soak up some of their greatness?" Charlie whispered. Castiel only smiled, before realizing she was right. 

They sat, hearing the laughter that erupted from the table. Cas couldn't help but smile at how perfect Dean's laugh sounded. Everyone else seemed to think so too because they all slowly quieted down. "So Dean, baby, what are we doing tonight?" Cas heard Lisa ask.

"I have practice and work after school, but after that, I don't see why we couldn't do something. Maybe I'll come over to yours?" Dean said smoothly. 

"Looks like Winchester's gonna sneak into Lisa's." Castiel recognized Benny Lafitte's voice, one of Dean's best friends. 

"No, he won't. My parents love him, all he has to do is ask to stay the night and he's granted access." Lisa practically purred. Castiel and Charlie shared a look of amazement; Castiel in awe of the athlete and Charlie in awe of his perks. 

The sounds of kissing filled the air as the boys whooped. "Now that's my boy!" Benny laughed. 

"I'd kill to be him," Cas mumbled as the boys behind him started to go back and forth with hidden compliments towards Dean. 

I bet he can get away with murder with just a smile.

He probably can rob bank after bank, say sorry to the FBI, and still get to keep all the money. 

I bet he loves every second of it.

Or he doesn't know anything different, just the perfect life he leads. 

Cas' thoughts stopped with a halt as the bell rang and Charlie pulled him out of his chair. He bumped into someone, a few inches taller than him and a hell of a lot harder when he moved to throw away his lunch. "Sorry," Cas mumbled before he froze, completely starstruck.

"It's alright," said the one and only Dean with a chuckle and an eye roll. He left the cafeteria, arm slung over Benny's shoulder and his other hand gripping Lisa's tightly. 

Castiel almost fainted. And he didn't care that it took Charlie dragging him to the nurses' clinic to snap him out of his daze.


	3. Chapter 3

Charlie closed the textbook, a smile on her face. "I think you, my dear Cassie, are going to ace that quiz tomorrow." Castiel couldn't help but laugh, relieved that something was going right.

Cecilia knocked on the open door, smiling at the two friends. "How's it going?"

"It's great! I think we're getting somewhere," Charlie told her as she gathered her things.

"That's great news!" Castiel's mother moved to hug them both. "I'm so proud of you," she whispered and kissed Cas' head. "Charlie, dear, you're mote than welcome to stay for dinner."

Charlie smiled at her but shook her head. "Sorry, Mrs. Porter, but I should really get back home. My mom's expecting me for dinner with her boss."

"Do you need a ride? I'll have Mike drive you home." Cecilia guided the young redhead out of her son's room. Castiel followed, closing his door behind him.

"I drove here, so if you don't mind I'll be taking my care home." Cecilia laughed with Charlie and apologized for not realizing the situation. Charlie soon left and the mother of four dragged Castiel into the dining room.

"Set the table for me, will you Cassie?" Cas nodded and set the table, making sure everything was perfect and aligned. "Go get your brothers and tell them to wash up." Castiel did as told, coming back into the room moments later with his three brothers.

"Where's Dad?" Lucifer asked as he sat down in his seat on Cecilia's left hand.

"He should be coming in soon, I told him dinner was ready." Cecilia set the casserole on the table, followed by Michael with multiple side dishes.

"Is he still working?" Gabe peeked out the window of the glass back door, eyeing the shed that contained their father's office.

"I believe so," Cecilia hummed.

Cas took his seat on her right-hand side, beside Gabe, and looked out the window. He watched as the light flickered off and his father walked in with a small smile. "Hi boys," he told them before he met his wife's gaze. "Dinner looks great, love, but an emergency popped up at the office." Marcus moved to kiss his wife, who dodged him. He sighed and kissed her cheek instead before rushing out the house.

"Make his favorite meal, and this is how he repays me?" Cecilia whispered to herself so her sons wouldn't hear. She sighed and clapped her hands. "Let's eat, yeah?"

But Castiel did hear. And it ruined him.

 

 

Gabriel and Castiel sat side-by-side on Cas' bed, knees held close to their chests as they listened to the bickering downstairs. "I didn't realize it was this bad. . ." Gabe whispered, biting his lip.

Cas wrapped an arm around him, pulling him in tight. "I know. . ."

"Why must you leave every day as soon as I finish cooking? Do you not like my cooking or are you seeing someone? Answer me Marcus!" Their mother screamed.

"Maybe it's both! Ever thought of that? Huh, Cecilia?" Their father spat. Castiel took a deep breath as the tears prickled in his eyes.

"How dare you!" Cecilia screeched before the sound of glass shattering echoed through the house.

"Keep your voice down, ya banshee! You'll wake the boys!" Marcus screamed.

"Like your hollering isn't?" Cecilia countered.

Gabe moved closer to Castiel, crying. "I'm scared," he whispered.

Cas kissed the mop of brown hair on his little brother's head and whispered back, "Me too."

The screaming continued downstairs, the sounds of various objects breaking interrupting them periodically. "Close your eyes and sing a song and it'll all be over," Castiel recalled to Gabe. Gabriel smiled, remembering the times he and Cas curled up with his mother during ferocious thunderstorms.

Suddenly the door opened and Michael poked his head in. "You guys okay?" He asked, moving into the room quietly. The two brothers shook their heads sadly and Michael couldn't help frown. He sat in front of them, bringing his own knees to his chest. "You know this will blow over eventually, right? They'll go back to being the happy parents we know them to be and all will be well."

Castiel shook his head. "You can't be sure of that."

"But I can be sure that we will be okay. Trust me," said Michael.

 

 

"Why are we here? What happened to the candy store?" Gabriel whined as Michael pulled into a car repair garage.

"I just gotta drop off this application." Michael parked the car and motioned for Castiel and Gabriel to get out as well. The boys followed their brother through the lobby of the garage, both curiously looking around.

Laughter spilled out of the office, getting louder as Michael guided them deep into the building. "Oh god, Bobby, you should have seen his face," a familiar voice said with a laugh. Castiel perked up at the beautiful laughter, eagerly picking up his pace to find out if he was right or not.

And he was. Sitting at the desk with an older man in a trucker's hat was Dean Winchester.  
The laughter between the two slowed as their eyes landed on the three brothers. "Hi, how can I help you?"

Castiel mentally corrected him, knowing better than to say it out loud. It's 'how may I help you?' he thought. Michael cleared his throat, handing him a small packet. "I'm bringing in my application, I'd love to work here." Michael stood tall, feet touching from heel to toe and his shoulders squared back. He was always the good soldier.

The man in the hat smiled, eyebrows raised; he was impressed. "The names Bobby Singer," he handed Mike a card, "and I'll take a look at your application before getting back to you."

"Thank you sir.” Michael shook his hand.

“I’ll show you guys out,” Dean said. He started for the door before he turned to Bobby,”I’ll be back in later once I finish that oil change that’s coming in.” Bobby nodded and Dean guided the three brothers out of the room. “Do you have experience in cars?”   
“I know my way around a motor, if that’s what you’re asking,” said Michael.

“He’s probably gonna make you follow someone for the first few days. Just to be sure.” Castiel was in awe as he followed Dean down the hallway. His posture was powerful, his presence intimidating yet welcoming, and the grease and oil covering his body making him just. . .

Perfect.

Castiel couldn’t help but watch him walk and talk to his older brother. He was mesmerized by the beautiful being in front of him. 

Dean took them to the door, holding it open for the brothers as he made his way out to the garage. “See you at school, Castiel,” he called before disappearing into the garage.

Cas swore his heart skipped a beat; Dean Winchester knows who he is.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter’s a bit of a mess and short. . . I’m kinda scrambled with homework and other responsibilities. Next chapter will be ten times better, I promise.

Secrets Kill - Chapter Four

Castiel walked down the hall, wringing his hands. His teachers had called a small meeting with his parents during lunch and invited him. He wasn’t sure if this was such a good idea, having this meeting, especially when his parents were in the middle of something. He didn’t know what, yet, but he wasn’t stupid; the constant fighting had to mean something. 

He knocked on the door, peering in after he heard his English teacher (Mrs. Spinelli) say ‘come in.’ Castiel saw his parents and his teachers gathered around in the desks. “Castiel, you’ve made it,” Mrs. Spinelli said as he walked further into the room. “Take a seat and we’ll get started.”

 

Cas sat down in between his parents, smiling at his parents who had obvious tension. Cecilia smiled back, patting his shoulder gently. “Why are we here again?” Castiel’s father asked, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair.

“We’re discussing his grades. They’re slipping, and despite the effort he’s putting in. . . It’s not doing much when it comes to test,” said Mr. Wellers (his math teacher). Castiel’s shoulders fell, he swore he’d done better on that last test. Marcus sighed, shaking his head. 

“I suggest tutoring and if we have too, I can assign my best student to help him.” Ms. Patrick shuffled through a stack of papers, pulling out a few tests. “If he takes the tutoring - be it the group or individual - we’ll all allow him to make up his lowest test grade. If not, then he’ll have to continue and try to get extra credit.” 

“He’ll take the individual tutor,” said Cecilia as Marcus said, “group would be better.” The two stared at each other, jaws clenched and eyes burning holes into each other. Castiel shifted uncomfortably, looking down to his lap. Finally Cecilia looked to Cas, “Cassie which would you prefer?” 

“I guess it depends on who’s the tutor,” he told her softly. They looked to the four teachers, who all looked a bit awkward.

“The best student all four of us have is Dean Winchester, I’m sure you know him?” Mrs. Quinton looked to her student, who nodded.

“Individual it is.” 

 

“He’s your new tutor?” Charlie whisper-gasped. Her grip tightened on his arm, shaking him a little. “Cas, this is beyond great! His perfection is definitely gonna rub off on you now.”

Castiel rolled his eyes, hugging his books closer to himself. “It’s not great. I’m gonna fail and lose my parents because I won’t be able to focus-”

“You can focus with me. Why not with Dean?”

 

“Because Dean is Dean.” Castiel huffed. 

“I’m not following. . .”

“Because Dean is Dean Winchester, who has absolutely everything I don’t and is beyond perfect. Then there’s me, who most likely will be starstruck for centuries. And then I’ll fail, my parents will divorce, and I’ll be stuck in a pointless loop of nothingness.” Charlie nodded, wrapping an arm around her friend. 

“Everything will be okay. Now come on, we’ve got to get to the library before the new book shipment is released.” 

Little did the friends know, the eldest Winchester was on his way to meet with Lisa when they started talking. He heard it all, and it didn’t go over well.

 

The Porter Wednesday night tradition continued that night, with everyone gathered around the table. “When do you start tutoring?” Marcus asked Castiel.

“Tomorrow afternoon,” he mumbled. 

Marcus nodded, his jaw tight. “I still think the group would be better.” 

Cecilia glared at him from across the table, confusing the other brothers. “He won’t learn anything in a group setting. Why do you think he’s having trouble in class?” 

“He’s failing because he’s not trying,” his father spat. 

“How do you know? Have you talked to him about it? Have you seen him slacking off? Do you watch him at school?” She paused. “No? Didn’t think so. You can’t give an opinion on which is better for him when you don’t have any information to go off of.” 

Marcus pinched the bridge of his nose. “Boys, go upstairs.”

“But I didn’t get to talk!” Gabe whined. 

“Go upstairs!” Their father boomed, slamming his fist on the wooden table. The four scrambled from their chairs, scurrying upstairs. Castiel felt his eyes water, this fight was about him. 

His brain was swarming with accusations, all blaming him for the tear in his parents’ relationship. Michael noticed, and guided Castiel into his room. The other two brothers stayed at a distance, standing by the now closed door as Michael comforted his younger brother.

Castiel let the tears fall as Michael pulled him close. “It’s all my fault,” he sobbed into Mike’s shirt. The older brother hugged him tighter, whispering to Cas that it wasn’t. That this was all a misunderstanding and they weren’t fighting about whether or not Castiel needed group or individual tutoring. 

It only made him cry harder, his thoughts spiraling out of control.

You’re the reason they’ll get a divorce.

If it wasn’t for you, they wouldn’t be downstairs arguing.

You’re so stupid. If you had just a little more common sense, then you wouldn’t be in this mess. 

Your brothers are going to hate you. 

You tore your family apart.

You’re worthless.

And Castiel believed every word.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another short one, but I didn't want to put too much information in one chapter. . .

Secrets Kill - Chapter Five

The room was quiet, the sounds of Mrs. Quinton typing out an email filling the room. Castiel sat in the front row, his notes out and his pencil in hand as he waited for his tutor. He couldn't help but smile as he realized what was about to happen. He would be spending an hour and a half with the legendary Dean Winchester.

Castiel idolized Dean, much like the rest of the school, with all his heart. He wanted everything Dean had, plus some. He wanted to be popular and important, not his usual outcast self.

A knock on the open classroom door signaled Dean's arrival. He hiked the strap of his bag up his shoulder and quietly walked in. Cas was trying to keep his amazement in as he watched the boy walk up to their teacher's desk.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Quinton, but I can't be Castiel's tutor," Dean said quietly and Castiel's world crashed around him.

Mrs. Quinton's eyebrows furrowed together in confusion and she sat up straight. "May I ask why?"

Dean glanced back at Cas. "If it's alright, ma'am, I'd like to say no. I'll see you tomorrow." With that he left the room, leaving Castiel stunned and Mrs. Quinton confused. 

 

 

"He just... Walked out?" Charlie asked for the fourth time.

"Yes and Mrs. Quinton said she'd find someone else." Castiel sighed, he'd told the story over and over again. To Charlie, to his parents, to his siblings, and to himself. He couldn't believe it. The great and fabulous Dean Winchester deliberately said he didn't want to tutor Castiel in front of his face without any explanation. 

"What I don't understand is why?" 

"I don't know either, Charlie." Castiel laid his head down on the table, ready to cry. Not even his idol wanted to be near him. Charlie caught his watery eyes, and the anger started to bubble.

"I'm getting to the bottom of this." She rose from her seat and marched down the row of bookshelves where Dean and Lisa were standing. Castiel watched in horror as she demanded to talk to Dean. He scrambled up, ignoring the librarian's glare and caught up with his friend. "Why won't you tutor Castiel?" 

"I would have," Dean said with his arms crossed. He looked pissed with his jaw set and his eyes glaring at the two of them. "But I'm not gonna waste my time on some kid who's gonna be 'starstruck' just talking to me." Castiel and Charlie shared a confused, and panicked, look. "Yeah, I heard you two in the hallway. I heard it all." Dean spat at them, as Lisa held his arm. 

"What's going on?" She asked.

"Remember that kid that I was supposed to tutor but I told you he wasn't gonna pay any attention apparently?" Dean's eyes met Castiel's, his anger pouring out of them in waves. 

Lisa scoffed at the two, her nose scrunching in disgust. "The queer?" Dean nodded, eyes still latched onto Castiel's.

Castiel wanted to cry. He wasn't gay. He wasn't the slightest bit queer. He just admired Dean for being himself. . . Is that so bad?

"Cas isn't queer," Charlie spat. "And you have no right to call him that."

"So he wasn't talking about how 'perfect' I was? Really?" Dean finally looked to the red-faced Charlie. "He wasn't going on about how his life will be ruined because I'll tutor him? Is that not what he said?" His voice was getting louder, to the point where Cas knew the librarian would be over there any moment.

Charlie sighed. "He may have said that. . ." She mumbled, "but if you give him a chance he'll try to pay attention. I promise." Dean looked to Castiel, his eyebrow cocked.

"I wanna hear that from him."

Castiel nodded, gulping down his fear. "I promise. I'll try, I will. Just, please give me a chance?" 

Dean nodded, turning away. He started to walk away, leaving the two friends with his girlfriend by his side. He paused and said over his shoulder, "Meet me in Mrs. Quinton's room after school." 

And then he was gone. 

Castiel let out a breath of relief, his insides twisting in excitement and nerves. "I can't believe you just did that." Charlie let out a relieved laugh, hugging her dark haired friend. 

"Neither can I!"


	6. Chapter 6

Secrets Kill - Chapter Six

Castiel took a deep breath and walked into the classroom. Dean was sitting there with his notes ready and displayed for Cas to use. He was typing away furiously, his thumbs taking turns hitting letters in an endless ryhthm, the sound of them hitting glass combined with their teacher's typing was all you could hear. 

"Hi." Dean looked up with a sigh and put away his phone.

"Hello Castiel," he said as he sat up. Castiel walked further in, sitting down beside the athelte. "Let's just start. What subjects are you needing help with?" Dean asked, sifting through his four binders. 

"Um. . ." Castiel blushed a bright red as Mrs. Quinton cleared her throat.

"Dean, he needs help with them all," she said softly. Dean's eyebrows furrowed as his eyes sparkled with something Cas could only classify as annoyance. Lucifer got that look whenever Gabe was around. 

Dean shook his head, mumbling "God, okay," under his breath. "We'll start with math since we have a test tomorrow." With that, they started to rework problems. Dean would show Cas how to work it, then Cas would do a similar problem and Dean would answer his questions. They spent a good twenty minutes working on their math before Mrs. Quinton was called to a faculty meeting. 

"I can trust you two won't destroy my classroom, right?" She asked on her way out. 

"Of course, Mrs. Q. When have I ever been a pain?" Dean smiled as she rolled her eyes. She told them to behave and get back to work before she walked out of the room and down the hall. "Want to move onto something else?" 

Castie nodded, pushing his scratch work aside. He was tired and kind of bored with the work, but knew he had to pay attention. Or else Dean would hate him forever and he couldn't have that. 

They began to work on their English assignment when Dean stopped. "Look Castiel, I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have snapped about tutoring you. You seemed pretty crushed the other day and I've been told I need to loosen up. Hell, my kid brother was just telling me yesterday how everyone in his class thinks he's the shit 'cause I'm his big brother. I guess I didn't think anyone in this dump thought that." Castiel nodded, a sigh slipping past his chapped lips. He was going to say something when Dean continued. "I just can't get past something though. . . Why the hell do you think my life's perfect?" Dean's green eyes were clouded with anger, his jaw set once again.

Castiel looked down, his blush reappearing. "You have it all. Good grades, good in sports, good friends, popular, no one hates you - and if they do it's not sincere, teachers love you, you've got the scholarships and the girlfriend, and not to mention the looks-" Cas was rambling, much like he usually did with Charlie.

Dean covered Cas' mouth with his hand, rolling his eyes. "You really think that stuff makes my life perfect?" Cas nodded, his eyes wide and his mouth clamped shut under Dean's hand. Dean rolled his eyes again, it almost pained him with how hard he rolled them, and sighed. "God you need to start looking outside the box." He dropped his hand and moved to look back over the paper.

"What?" 

"What do you mean 'what?'" Dean snapped, all signs of his kinda friendly tutor gone. 

"What do you mean I need to start looking outside the box?" Castiel was beyond confused - and a little hurt - with how fast their tutoring session flipped. He'd give anything to go back to the Dean who'd been helping him through his Algebra homework. 

Dean groaned, his eyes squeezed shut and pinching the bridge of his nose. "I mean you need to snap out of this idea of a perfect, good world. Get your head out of the clouds, that sorta thing."

"Why?"

"Because you live in this stupid, imaginary world where materials matter more, Cas!" Dean bellowed, standing up. He started to gather his things, throwing his binders and notes back into this small bag. 

Castiel was hurt. And, okay, he was a little happy that Dean used his nickname. But all it did was soften the blow of realization. Dean thinks he's a child. He thinks he's naive. 

And in a sense, Castiel is naive.

Dean was red with anger when he started for the door. He turned around, glaring at the blue eyed boy. "I'll see you first thing tomorrow morning. In the library." Dean Winchester stormed out the room after that, his heavy footsteps echoing in the empty hall. 

Castiel was numb with shock, unaware that his eyes were starting to water.

Somehow, Dean only made him hate himself more.

 

 

Castiel sat on his bed, crying softly as he listened to the screaming match his parents were in. Michael was sitting across from him, head in his hands. Gabe was laying with Lucifer, cuddled up beside them with tears in his own eyes. They were all scared, all worried, about their parents. 

"Do you think they'll split?" Gabe whispered, tapping Mike on the back with his sock clad foot. 

"Don't think like that," Michael scolded, lifting his head up.

"Oh c'mon, Mike, you know you've thought the same thing." Lucifer rolled his eyes at his twin. 

"We need to stay positive, Lucifer. Even the strongest couples, like Mom and Dad, fight and argue. It's no different than when you and Lillith were together." Lucifer flinched at the mention of his ex-girlfriend. Michael mumbled an apology and went back to putting his head in his hands. 

"They stopped." Castiel said after an awkward silence overlapped the conversation. 

"See? Progress." Michael stood. "I'll be back, I'm gonna check on them."

The three brothers watched the dark haired boy walk out the room, all of them holding their breath with anticipation. They waited until Michael ran back upstairs, his hand bloody. "Lucifer, I need to talk to you." 

Lucifer jumped up, leaving Gabe sprawled out on Cas' bed. The twins spoke in hushed tones for a moment, before Mike left again. 

The front door slammed shut as Lucifer paced the room. It shut again minutes later, the sounds of tires squealing followed. 

Castiel was full on sobbing at this point, as was Gabriel. "What happened?" Cas asked through his sobs. Lucifer looked at the broken boys, tears of his own in his eyes. 

"I. . . I don't really know. Mom's hurt, Mike took her to the hospital. He said it wasn't too bad, probably just needs stitches. She'll be okay." He moved to hug the two brothers, his little brothers, and cradled them to his sides. "I promise she will. Everything will go back to normal soon. I promise."

Castiel listened, but for some reason, he didn't believe his brother. 

Things changed too much over the past twenty-four hours. Too much. . .


	7. Chapter 7

Secrets Kill - Chapter Seven

Castiel woke up to Gabe talking in his sleep. It was only twenty minutes before six, and before his alarm clock went off. He groaned, lazily getting up. Cas made his way into the hallway, hearing the familiar sounds of his older brothers talking downstairs. Quietly, he walked closer, trying to hear what was being said.

"So he didn't hit her?" Lucifer asked.

"No, he left before she fell. All she did was drop a glass and she slipped. She has a concussion, a broken arm, and there's glass in her legs and arms. She's okay, though. Stable and resting," Michael explained. Castiel let out a sigh of relief, at least, they were okay. Everything would be okay after all.

"How long will she be in there?"

"Probably until this afternoon, at the latest tomorrow morning." Their heavy footsteps echoed throughout the house, followed by the sounds of a broom sweeping up the glass. "God, they're getting out of hand."

"I know, Cas and Gabe are terrified."

"You didn't have to stay with them last night. . . They cried themselves to sleep, Mike." Castiel blushed bright red.

"I wish I knew what to do. . ." Castiel made his way downstairs, making sure his steps were heavy and the twins could hear. He was met with Lucifer sweeping up the glass while Michael cleaned the blood off the floor. Michael gave his younger brother a tight, painfully fake smile. "Morning Cassie, give me a second and I'll make you something to eat. Okay?"

Castiel shook his head after mumbling a 'morning' to his brothers. He tiptoed past the shards of glass and into the kitchen, and said, "I'll just make cereal. Is Mom okay?" Despite knowing the truth, Cas still wanted to be sure.

"She's going to be fine. A bit bruised and scraped, but fine," Michael replied. Castiel's shoulders fell with relief. He knew Michael wouldn't lie to make him feel better, Lucifer maybe but not Mike.

It was the only thing keeping Castiel hopeful.

An hour later, Castiel was ready to leave for school. He was anxious to meet up with Dean, ready to spend the morning studying with the handsome boy. He tensed a bit at the thought. Had he just thought of Dean as handsome? Technically it didn't mean anything since he used it as an adjective, but it didn't help his confused thoughts.

"Gabe let's go!" Lucifer bellowed, gripping his bag with white knuckles. The boy's acne scarred face was bright red, his breathing hard and labored as he tried to calm himself down. Michael was rushing around, getting his homework together before his first class, and still trying to make sure everything was in order in case Mom or Dad came home early.

"I'm coming!" Gabriel shouted for the eighth time. Castiel rolled his eyes, silently praying that their mother would make a speedy recovery and put order back into their house.

"We're gonna be late," Lucifer said, followed by a string of profanities. Castiel rolled his eyes, flipping through the pages of his book as he waited patiently on the couch.

"Relax, Luc, we're fine." Michael finally sat next to Castiel, his eyes still rushing here and there, calculating everything at once. His 'good little soldier' complex had kicked in. . .

"Yeah, but I wanted to meet up with someone," Lucifer whined.

"Quit your whining, boy," bellowed the voice of their father. The three looked to the door, where their disheveled father stood. "You boys need to leave, you're going to be late if you don't." Marcus hobbled through the living room and up the stairs, his gate slow and hesitant.

Gabe sprang down the steps, almost bumping into their father. He mumbled a sorry and raced out the door. "Let's go! We're gonna be late!" He shouted.

Lucifer sprang forward, ready to choke the younger boy if it wasn't for Michael to hold him back. They shared a look and made their way out the door.

Castiel was hesitant, his eyebrows scrunched with concern over his father. He wanted to race after him and ask if he was okay, but after last night, he thought better of it. 

 

 

Castiel slumped into the library and into one of the tables open chair. He laid his head down, his dark hair falling over his sleeved arms. "You'll wrinkle your shirt if you sit like that." Castiel looked up to see Lisa and Dean sitting across from him, hands held tightly.

"Yeah, 'cause that's what he's worried about." Dean rolled his eyes, a smirk playing on his lips. Lisa rolled her eyes before she kissed Dean's cheek. She whispered something to him and his face turned to stone.

Castiel sat back, watching with curiosity as the two interacted. Dean was tense, his shoulders squared and his jaw set. "Lisa, baby," he mumbled, "I'll see you at lunch, okay?" She huffed and nodded before grabbing his face and kissing him hard. Dean's eyes stayed open the whole kiss, his fingers tapping impatiently on the table.

Lisa pushed away, glaring at her boyfriend before leaving with a toss of her hair. "God girls are annoying sometimes," mumbled Dean.

Castiel didn't have patience to amuse him. He didn't want to deal with Dean at all today. Cas didn't want a reminder on what he didn't have, despite what Dean had told him the day before. Castiel wanted to feel hope and happiness once again.

Dean waited for Cas to respond, rolling his eyes painfully hard when he didn't. "Work it is." He sighed and pulled out his notes, going over the work with Cas.

Five minutes before the first bell, Dean slammed his notebook shut. He was pissed and annoyed. Cas hadn't said a word to him all morning. He was, to be quite honest, offended! "What's wrong?" He asked the blue eyed boy. Cas said nothing and simply packed his things. "Castiel Porter, speak to me."

Castiel sighed, shaking his head. He stood and grabbed his things, nodding towards Dean in acknowledgement.

Castiel didn't want Dean to judge him today. He didn't want to think of any of the events from last night or from the past week. He didn't want to talk about it or complain.

All he wanted to do was sulk in silence and forget.


	8. Chapter 8

Secrets Kill - Chapter Eight

Michael and Dean were working on the latest vehicle, both layered in sweat, grease, grime, and a mixture of body odor and cologne. The two were chatting mindlessly about their lives, Michael warning Dean about the stresses of college and Dean complaining about their mutual favorite football team's season. Both were nonchalant for the day, despite Dean's anger.

It wasn't until Dean was scrubbing the grease off the car he was working on that Michael noticed how upset the boy was feeling. Michael paused, raising an eyebrow with concern. "You alright?"

"Yeah," Dean grunted, scrubbing furiously.

"Don't seem like it."

"I'm fine."

"Dean, what happened today?" Michael asked. His voice strong and commanding, yet comforting and concerned.

Dean sighed and dropped the rag into the bucket of soapy water. "Your brother pissed me off."

Michael's eyes widened as he walked around the car to look at the eldest Winchester brother. "Castiel?" Dean nodded. "How?"

"He wouldn't talk to me! I tried to talk to him, tried to see what was wrong, tried to make some sort of connection and nothing! He didn't say anything!" Dean threw his hands up in frustration, running a hand over his face and leaving a stain of oil and grease in it's wake. Michael sighed and nodded. "Is there something wrong with him or is it me?"

"Castiel has a tendency to choose silence over expressing himself. He did it all the time when he was a child. It wasn't until he was ten that he stopped doing that, but I guess he relapsed." Dean's shoulders fell, ashamed with himself over how he reacted. Michael waved him off and said, "Don't worry about him. He's just dealing with everything a bit differently."

"What do you mean?" Dean grabbed the rag again, getting back to work. He paused, blushing brightly. "Not that I'm trying to pry or anything."

Michael turned around, moving to slide under the car. He closed his eyes, and sighed again. "Our parents are going through something. I don't really know what's truly happening but I do know Castiel was upset about it. Hell, we all are," He mumbled the last part.

Dean nodded and took a mental note. He remembered Castiel saying that his parents would get divorced. Maybe he could help?

 

Castiel was doing homework at the table when Michael came home. "Mom here yet?" Mike asked his younger brother who shook his head. "Are you not talking again?" Cas nodded. "Is it because of what happened last night?" Cas shrugged. "Talk to me, I can help. I promise."

Michael sat beside the dark haired boy, trying not to get grease anywhere. Castiel sighed, laying his head on his crossed arms. "Dean told me you weren't talking to him today. He was upset about it."

Castiel stood and stormed up to the bathroom. He didn't want to talk about Dean, that perfectly perfect person he admired with all his heart. How dare he be mad at Castiel for being miserable? It's not like he chose to be stuck in such a terrible life. . .

It was getting to the point where Dean's perfection was too much. Cas was starting to feel as if Dean was taking it all for granted, that he didn't deserve to have everything. It should be Castiel at the top of the high school chain and it should be him with the pretty girlfriend and perfect grades. Dean didn't deserve Lisa. He didn't deserve any of the things he had.

He didn't deserve it.

Castiel started the shower and started to strip down. His blue eyes caught the mirror, scanning the ugly body shown in it. His nose scrunched in disgust, a grimace on his face. Castiel wanted nothing more than to be like Dean. To look like Dean. To take what he deserved.

Castiel's shoulders deflated as he stepped into the shower. He shouldn't think like that, Dean works hard for everything. Cas realized that after seeing him in tutoring, that Dean didn't get anything just because he could.

He didn't want to feel like this anymore. 

 

Dean was waiting for Castiel in Mr. Wellers room. He had their test results, and Castiel scored better this time than he did two weeks ago. Dean was proud of him, knowing how hard Castiel worked to improve.

Castiel walked in hesitantly, nervous to talk to Dean and find out about his score. "Castiel Porter," Dean started, "you my friend have passed Mr. Wellers test!" Castiel's eyes widened, his body tense. Dean stood, handing him the paper and watching as the confused boy read over his results. They weren't the best, but it was an improvement. "I knew you could do it." Dean clapped a hand onto Cas' shoulder.

"Thank you," Castiel mumbled in a hoarse voice. He hadn't spoken in three days, and he was embarrassed for how he treated Dean.

Dean's eyes widened, overtaken with surprise with Castiel talking. "You're talking to me again?"

Castiel nodded. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright. Want to talk about it? Your brother mentioned your parents weren't in the best situation." Dean sat back down, trying not to seem too concerned. Castiel's eyebrows furrowed, unprepared for the invasion of privacy. Dean's eyes widened as he realized how he went about the situation. "Unless it's too much," he said quickly, "then we can just go back to tutoring."

Castiel didn't say anything, just sat down in the desk beside Dean. "Can you help me with this formula in chemistry?"

Dean sighed and got his notes out. "Yeah. Yeah I can."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are liking this. . . It's gonna pick up, I swear. In the next two or three chapters, I promise.

**Secrets Kill - Chapter Nine**

Castiel looked up at Dean as he listened to his explanation of how the bond was made. "Look back at the diagram, you'll notice that the outer ring of the electron shell isn't full. Sodium has one electron in it's outer shell and Chlorine has seven. Both want eight, to complete their shells. So what do they do?" Dean's eyebrows rose a little, expecting an answer from Cas.

A blush formed on Castiel's face, creeping down his neck and up to his ears. "Um. . . I don't remember."

Dean nodded and said, "It's alright. Don't get mad at yourself because of it." He paused to make eye contact with the smaller boy. "Chlorine will end up taking sodium's lone electron, which makes sodium positive and chlorine negative, but both have full outer shells and are content," Dean explained, watching in awe as Castiel finally understood. Dean chuckled as Castiel looked at his paper in shock. "Wanna try it on your own?" Dean asked cautiously. Castiel nodded, already starting on his worksheet. Dean watched him, still concerned for Cas' emotional state. Somehow, Castiel Porter had wormed his way into Dean's life, the baby blue eyes and messy raven hair accompanied by his goofy smile taking up a small part of Dean's head-space. He just wanted what was best for the young boy.

They spent another ten minutes on chemistry, and another twenty reading over the questions they had for homework in English, before they were finished for the day. "Do you need a ride?" Dean asked as they made their way out of the school.

Castiel thought for a moment, realizing today was a Monday and Mike and Lucifer would still be in class for another half hour. He didn't want to bother his still healing mother or his working father, so yes he did need a ride. "If you don't mind," Cas mumbled with a blush.

"Not at all. Where do you live?" Dean asked, guiding the shy teen to his car.

"Cantwell Creek, a couple blocks away from the garage," Castiel replied. Charlie was going to have a field day when she hears about Cas riding in Dean Winchester's legendary car. 

The black 1967 Chevy Impala Dean drove was famous around the school. Everyone either lusted over the car, the driver, or the fact that Dean built it from the ground up to prove he didn't need to take shop class and earned the credit. And boy was it beautiful! The sound was to die for and the shine it gave off could blind a man. 

Dean revved up the engine and Cas climbed into the vehicle. "Perfect! I was on my way there anyways." 

He drove off, and the two fell into a comfortable silence. Dean leaned over, turning up the radio just enough for the silence to ease away. He let out a playful sigh. "You know," he started with a glance to Castiel, "I usually don't let other people control my radio, but. . . I'll make an exception for you." Dean huffed, his smile contradicting his annoyance. 

Castiel's eyes widened and he tried to speak, he really did, but nothing came out. He opened his mouth, then closed it. He opened it again, and still closed it. He opened it one more time before clamping his mouth shut with a frown. The comfort and easiness that came with talking to Dean during tutoring was gone. Castiel didn't even realize it was there in the first place! 

Dean watched Cas struggle to speak, his shoulders falling slightly in defeat. "It's alright," he told the quiet boy after a while. "You'll get there one day." He reached over and clapped Castiel on the shoulder. 

Castiel hoped Dean was right. 

Hell, Dean hoped he was right. . .

 

 

The next day, Dean offered to drive Cas home after tutoring. "Don't you have practice?" Castiel asked before they left the comfortable environment that surrounded the warm English classroom. 

Dean shrugged. "Yeah, I did. But I'd rather see that you get home safe." Castiel blushed but didn't argue. Together they walked to Dean's parking spot and got into the black vehicle. "Is it cool if we make a quick stop?" 

Castiel shook his head, barely able to get out the words "It's okay." 

Dean sighed. He hates that Castiel can't talk to him other than at tutoring. It didn't exactly make sense as to why he couldn't, but it seemed that Cas didn't like it either. He shook his head, emptying his mind of the thoughts and drove on. 

His music blared on, the car vibrating from the bass. He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel at every red light and stop sign, making Cas swoon ever so slightly. 

Let's be clear: Castiel wasn't gay unless Dean Winchester was around. 

Castiel couldn't help but notice they had taken a wrong turn. He glanced at Dean, his head tilting to the side. A warm, hearty chuckle bubbled in Dean's chest and the Winchester boy shook his head. "Don't worry, we're almost there."

He was right. Dean parked in a little parking lot for the neighborhood park. Castiel hadn't been at the quiet little sanctuary in years, ever since Gabe grew up and was "too old" to play on the swings. Everything was just how he remembered it to be. Large, canopy oak trees shaded most of the park, keeping the heat off the patrons who spent the day here. The stone sidewalks winded around the park, taking you anywhere in the park or nowhere at all. Castiel could see a group of children playing tag out in the field next to a couple of college students playing frisbee. A couple of puppies raced alongside the children or attempted to steal the frisbee from one of the boys. 

Dean got out, stepping onto the gravel with a crunch. "C'mon," he told the dark-haired boy who was watching the park with amazement. 

Cas snapped out of it and got out of Dean's precious Impala. The two boys started down the sidewalk, their arms swaying close enough for their hands to grace each other. Castiel blushed and Dean shoved his hand in his pocket, avoiding any and all eye contact with the boy. _I really hope I'm not as red as he his right now_ , Dean thought. 

He was.

Dean guided Castiel along until they reached one of the oak trees, whose roots spread up and out like a worm going in and out of the mud. The Winchester boy sat down at the base of the tree, right next to one of the bigger roots. He patted the root and looked up to a shy Castiel.

Castiel sat down beside him, hesitant at what exactly was happening.

"Cas, I just need to talk. Okay? You don't have to say anything, but just listen okay?" Dean said quietly after a while. Castiel nodded, moving to face Dean a little more to show he was listening. 

Dean took a deep breath and nodded.  _I can do this_ , he thought. _All I have to do is tell him and all will be good_. "You know I'm with Lisa right?" Castiel nodded. "Well. . . I might break up with her." Castiel's bright blue eyes went wide with surprise. His head tilted to the side, his eyebrows furrowing. Dean gave him a small smile, trying not to notice how he acted like one of the puppies in the field. "We just don't connect. I'm not happy with her. I never really was. See what you need to understand, Cas, is that just because I seem like I'm happy and content. . . It's all an act. I'm miserable. I'm stuck in a terrible relationship with someone I don't even like anymore, but I can't bear the idea of hurting her." Dean was starting to get passed the initial awkwardness and started to simply vent. It was great to get everything off his chest finally. 

"And what makes this all worse, is that I feel you and I could be best friends but. . . I don't know how to help you. I want to be there for you and help you through whatever's going on." Dean's shoulders fell. "I just don't know what to do anymore." Dean put his head in his hands, and Castiel's chest swelled with pain for the once perfect boy.

Because he realized Dean Winchester wasn't perfect, but that made him all the better. He didn't have the life Castiel thought he had and he wasn't the happiest person in the world, but he was stronger and more compassionate than Castiel had realized. . . And that made him perfect. 

Castiel patted Dean's shoulder softly. He opened his mouth, but closed it. He wanted nothing more than to talk to Dean and tell him that he was so strong and incredible. To tell him that he wanted nothing more than to feel comfortable with Dean, like he apparently did with him since he admitted all this. Castiel couldn't bring himself to talk though. . .

Dean looked up at a sad looking Cas. Suddenly, his blue eyes lit up and he scrambled to get out his phone. Dean watched the boy type furiously, almost a little hurt at the reaction until his phone buzzed. He pulled out the phone and looked to Cas.

With a smile, he unlocked his phone and read the text. 

Castiel gave him a small, shy smile. Dean grinned at him, nodding his head. "Thanks, buddy." 

The two boys fell into a comfortable silence, both of them content with their new friendship. If only they realized someone heard Dean's confessions. . . And their world was turning upside down and quick.


	10. Chapter 10

**Secrets Kill - Chapter Ten**

They were fighting again. Castiel couldn't take it. After such an amazing afternoon with Dean, Castiel didn't want to have to deal with the fighting. . .

He couldn't sleep and with new found confidence (and desperation) he did the only thing he could think of.

He called Dean.

"Hello?" Dean mumbled sleepily.

Castiel felt a wave of guilt for waking up Dean, but he couldn't help but feel relief as well. "Hey Dean..."

"Cas, this isn't a good time right now. Is everything okay?"

"Um, yeah. . I just," Castiel mumbled.

"Castiel, yes or no. Are you okay?"

"No."

"Need me to come over?"

"No."

"Need to talk?"

"No."

"Then why'd you call?" Dean was getting aggravated, Castiel noticed. The Porter boy snuggled into his pillows, his blue eyes closed for a moment.

"Somehow, you calm me down," Castiel whispered.

Dean didn't say anything for a moment, until he finally whispered, "Are you good now?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Get some sleep, kid."

"You too. Goodnight Dean.

"Night Cas."  
  
  


A week later, Castiel was waiting for Dean in the library. The two were going to study for their test on Monday, the one that could boost Cas' grades and help him pass this quarter. Dean had been running late all day apparently, according to his texts to Castiel anyways.

The two had grown extremely close over the course of the past month they've been working together. Cas had started to become dependent on Dean, and honestly so had Dean. The older boy wouldn't admit it, but he needed Castiel's friendship just as much as Cas needed him. Castiel made Dean feel. . .normal. It was nice, compared to how everyone else at school treats him. As if he was the picture perfect person everyone should aspire to be.

Castiel pulled out his phone, shooting Dean a quick text.

Castiel waited patiently for Dean to reply. It took him a few minutes before his phone vibrated with a text.

Castiel couldn't help but smile, remembering something Dean told him the other day.

_"You can't be so down all the time, Cas," Dean has said on the way home one day._

_"Yes I can. It's easy." Castiel shrugged, not quite grasping the concept Dean was trying to explain._

_Dean laughed quietly with the shake of his head. "Well sure, but you need to try and think positive so things will get better. Look on the bright side of things?" Castiel raised an eyebrow and starred at Dean._

_"Are you okay?" And they laughed. And it felt great._

Castiel smiled and looked up to see Mrs. Waterton starring him down. He bit his lip and shrugged in apology before typing out another message.

Dean walked into the room, his hair a mess and his shirt all twisted. He looked frazzled and stressed, not his usual laid-back attitude. Something was wrong. It wasn't right. . .  Dean Winchester never showed how upset or distressed he really was, unless he was sure it was safe. Castiel was worried to say the least. "Dean, are you okay?"

"Yeah, course I am." He was out of breath as he dropped his bag into the chair next to him. Dean plopped down in front of Cas and put his head in his hands. "Gimme like two minutes, okay?" Castiel only nodded, watching the boy collect himself.

After a moment, Dean raised his head and looked ten times better. At least, his face looked more like the Dean Winchester Castiel knew so well. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, it's been a rough day. Didn't get much sleep last night and I had to take Sam to school," he said with a sigh. Castiel's eyebrows scrunched up. Sam rode with Dean to the high school and walked across the street to the middle school. Even if he dropped the younger boy off directly at the school, it shouldn't have made him late. . . Dean must have noticed Cas' confusion as he tensed his shoulders and dropped the topic. "Let's see, radicals and algebraic equations. . ."

They studied for at least two hours, the boys focusing on everything they could think of. The librarian did eventually kick them out, complaining that she wanted to go home for the weekend. Dean and Castiel quietly gathered their things and made their way to Dean's car. "I think you're going to ace this test, Cas," Dean said as they climbed into the vintage vehicle.

Castiel blushed lightly and thanked the heavens for the pink glow coming off the sunsight to hide his embarrassment from his friend. "Do you really? I want to pass, maybe ease some of the stress of my parents."

Dean gave him a small smile as he pulled out of the parking spot and lot. "For the hundredth time, Cas, your parents' issues have nothing to do with you."

Cas' head fell, his dark hair falling over his eyes just a bit. "I know. . . I just can't help but feel like part of this is my fault."

"Well it's not. Parents fight and sometimes more than others. Yeah, sure it may seem like it's your fault, but they could be using your grades as an excuse to fight. The real issues are far deeper and probably foundational to their relationship," explained Dean matter-of-factly.

"Well then," Cas said with a shy smile, "go on and use your almighty knowledge, Mr. Winchester." Dean laughed, a good, hearty laugh, and his eyes crinkled just a little, brightening his already green eyes.

"Shut up, Porter."

Castiel smiled. "How are you and Lisa?"

Dean's face fell momentarily before he was back to smiling like an idiot, only his eyes weren't having it. Castiel noticed the skin around his friend's eyes wasn't crinkling like usual when he smiles that big. Something was wrong.

"We're good. Happy and loving as you would expect." Dean stated.

Castiel starred at him for a moment, his eyebrows raised. "Really?"

Dean's eyebrows furrowed together, not sure as to why Cas was questioning his response. (Even though he didn't believe himself either.) "Really."

"So you two patched up whatever you were going through? Just two days ago you were telling me about how she wants you to take her on a ski trip in Colorado and how you hated how demanding she is." Castiel crossed his arms and moved to look at Dean more.

Dean sighed. "Okay fine. She dropped a bomb on me this morning. Said she hated how far apart we were getting and that... She doesn't want to lose me." Castiel held back a laugh as Dean made a face.

"What happened?"

"Don't wanna talk about it. Not right now, at least." Dean moved so he was leaning against his window, his right hand steering the car. Castiel felt like he'd just put up a wall between them, and boy did it hurt.

' _Lisa wasn't the only person who didn't want to lose_ _Dean_ ,' Castiel thought.

After an awkward silence had nearly suffocated them, Dean finally pulled up to Cas' house. "See you tomorrow," Dean mumbled as Castiel grabbed his bag and moved to get out.

"See you," Castiel replied. He got out and made his way to the door. Dean always waited until Castiel was inside, knowing that the blue eyed boy would run away at any given opportunity. Or at least, that's what he said he would. Castiel turned back to face Dean and saw the window was down. "Whenever you're ready to talk about it," Castiel said, "I'll be happy to listen."

Dean blushed and nodded. "Dully noted." With a wave, Castiel went inside and Dean drove off. "That boy will be the death of me," Dean mumbled as he drove off.


End file.
